Some people have a habit of apologizing excessively, even when it’s not their fault. For instance, when someone makes a request that is difficult for you to fulfill, you might feel very embarrassed to refuse. Your catchphrase could be, 'Oh, I’m sorry,' which has become your emergency response or instinctive reaction. You worry that if you miss apologizing, it will seem like you lack manners or goodwill. This habitual and unending apologizing is something we need to carefully manage in interpersonal relationships. There are usually a few patterns.

The first type is that you are very afraid of hurting others, constantly worried about making them uncomfortable. You believe that it is your responsibility to ensure everyone feels comfortable in any situation. If you fail to do this or if the atmosphere is not as warm and harmonious as you imagined, you feel you haven't done well enough and that you owe an apology. This pattern usually stems from taking on others' responsibilities since childhood, including parental emotions and family burdens. Parents often say, 'As a sensible child, you should listen to your mother’s complaints more; you need to understand how hard it is for your parents.' Even when you are not taking on these responsibilities and are happily being a carefree child, you might feel guilty because your parents might say, 'If your mother is in so much pain, how can you be happy?' This is the earliest form of feeling sorry for not being able to meet others' needs.
The second type is primarily about fearing conflict itself. To avoid further arguments, you quickly take on responsibility with the aim of ending the conflict swiftly. You fear the other person's power and believe that in any conflict, you will end up losing and feel powerless. For example, if a domineering colleague suddenly reprimands you, your instinctive response may be, 'I’m sorry, it’s my fault.' Because if we assert that we are right and have done nothing wrong, the conflict may escalate. Debating with the other person is something you dread. This intense desire to avoid conflict often comes from repeatedly experiencing strong conflicts where you felt powerless. For instance, every time you tried to reason with your parents, they would suppress you with their authority or moral pressure. When you argue back, this repeated feeling of being suppressed is the earliest sense of being unable to resolve conflicts. You feel that you cannot engage in conflicts equally with others because you realize reasoning doesn't help; admitting fault is the quickest way to avoid more severe punishment. After growing up, you feel afraid of all conflicts, so quickly admitting fault becomes your self-protection mechanism.
The third type represents a deep distrust in interpersonal relationships, where you cannot relax and trust others. This relationship can accommodate small issues, so you often appear more polite and tense than others. This distrust in relationships often arises from past unstable relationships. If you make even a slight mistake, the relationship seems to dissolve quickly. For example, if your parents often argue, and someone says something wrong, things get smashed and a huge fuss is made. If you say something wrong, your parents might say, 'What’s the use of having you if you can’t even handle this small matter?' Over time, you feel that any small issue could lead to a breakup in the relationship, so you become very cautious, always worried about where you might go wrong, and constantly feeling sorry.
After discussing the possible patterns and causes, let’s talk about what to do about it. You can try this: take a few minutes to be alone with yourself and ask why you habitually apologize. Is it out of fear that others will scold you, fear of conflict, or worry that others won’t tolerate your mistakes and will abandon you? Or do you think that others’ happiness is your responsibility? Gradually help yourself become aware of what you are truly afraid of, and then slowly step out of that boundary. If you realize that you want to take responsibility for others’ happiness, tell yourself that perhaps you have taken on too much responsibility for others. So from today, can you take on a little less? Can you let the atmosphere be a bit cold here? By gradually unloading these burdens, you’ll realize that you don’t have to take responsibility for others, and you’ll become less cautious over time.