Never be friends with the people who serve you
Many people often make a mistake in real life: they can't distinguish the relationship between themselves and others.
When Zhu Yuanzhang ascended the throne in Yingtian Prefecture and declared himself emperor, he became the ruler of the world.
Not long after, a childhood friend from his hometown Fengyang came to Beijing to seek him out.
This guy entered the main hall, showed no manners at all, and in front of the entire court of officials and military, patted his thigh and called Zhu Yuanzhang by his nickname.
He even revealed embarrassing stories from their childhood, when they ran around naked in the mud, fishing and stealing beans from others’ farms.
He thought that he and the emperor were close buddies who grew up wearing the same pants, and felt that doing so made their relationship seem solid, quite proud of himself.
As a result, Zhu Yuanzhang’s face darkened, and he immediately ordered someone to drag this guy out and deal with him.
Many people think that Zhu Yuanzhang, after becoming emperor, no longer recognizes poor relatives and is too ruthless.
In fact, it’s not about feelings being deep or shallow, but that this childhood friend made a fatal mistake:
He failed to realize that their relationship had shifted from equals as playmates to a relationship of issuing and obeying commands.
When one party holds the power of life and death and the authority to distribute benefits, and the other still tries to use past friendship to get close, it completely breaks the rules of power and benefit operation.
This story, when applied to our current business and life, the principle is exactly the same.
Pi Ge often sees honest people who do business or work as small managers, and always feels they should be a little nicer to those around them.
Whether dealing with employees, nannies hired with money, or suppliers providing goods, they like to call them brothers and sisters.
They often invite them out for drinks, trying to build a close friendship with those who serve them.
Never be friends with the people who serve you.
This is the social experience Pi Ge, as a seasoned person, wants to share with you:
1. Rules become rubber
The normal operation of the business world relies on written contracts and cold, hard rules.
You pay the money, and the other party provides the corresponding quality of service—that’s a clear exchange of money for goods.
There is a very clear boundary here.
But once you treat the other as a friend, that boundary completely melts away, and rules turn into rubber that can be kneaded at will.
Let’s take a common example from life.
You hire a nanny to clean the house. If it’s just a hiring relationship, and she doesn’t clean the floor well today, you can straightforwardly point it out and ask her to redo it.
If she keeps refusing to improve, you can directly deduct wages or dismiss her.
But if you usually get too close to her, listen to her complaints, and even give her old clothes from your home, treating her like a big sister.
When you later find her working perfunctorily, you won’t be able to speak up.
You’ll feel that criticizing a friend over a little dust makes you seem too stingy.
She will also think that since you’re so familiar, you shouldn’t fuss over such small matters.
The final result is that you pay for cleaning services but end up with a “patriarch” you have to carefully serve.
Paying for service is meant to make your life easier; if you mix relationships into it, you’ll only end up feeling frustrated.
2. Raises communication costs
Pay attention to the business environment over the past half year, and you’ll find many large companies are rapidly trimming middle management.
Why?
Because today’s market tolerance for mistakes is very low, and everyone is pursuing straightforward, efficient communication.
Instructions that can be explained in one sentence are definitely not to be beat around the bush.
If you’re friends with the people who serve you, you’re artificially raising the threshold for communication.
If it’s purely a superior-subordinate or client-vendor relationship, in urgent situations, you can just make a call and say you need overtime tonight, and the matter is settled.
People do business with money, and that’s natural.
But if you’re friends, it gets complicated.
You have to first set the mood, ask if they’re tired lately, how their kids are doing, before you dare to get to the point.
If they refuse because they have plans tonight, you have no room to insist.
Your time is your core resource for making money.
You’re already exhausted from fighting with competitors outside, and now you have to carefully manage the emotions of those who are paid to do work for you.
This communication mode gradually drains your enthusiasm and energy for getting things done.
3. Gives others the chance to betray you
Human nature can’t withstand too close a test.
Keeping a distance from those who serve you will make them respect their wages and your position.
But once you cross that line and open your heart to them, their expectations of you will instantly change.
In the movie “The Godfather,” the old don Vito never makes close friends with his henchmen who do dirty work for him.
He pays them, offers protection, but always maintains an inviolable dignity.
Because he sees through it all—kindness can turn into hatred.
It’s the same in the workplace.
You treat subordinates like brothers, sharing benefits when you have them.
But if one day the company faces a crisis, and bonuses are cut, or you have to discipline them for a mistake, it’s just business.
In pure business terms, it’s official.
But in their emotional account, it’s an unforgivable betrayal.
They won’t think it’s because they didn’t do their job well; they’ll think that you, as the boss, abandoned them at a critical moment, and that your previous friendliness was all fake.
Resentment born from love often leads to more vicious revenge than friction between strangers.
They hold details of your business, know your weaknesses, and once they bite back behind your back, the damage can be huge.
As adults trying to make a living, we must live more coldly.
Business is business, friendship is friendship—never mix the two.
When it’s time to talk about money, be straightforward and clear; don’t think discussing money will hurt feelings.
Healthy partnerships are built on cold, hard interests, not on a few dinners or drinks.
Hold back your kindness and enthusiasm, save it for your family and true equals.
When dealing with those who work for you, stay polite, be generous, and follow the rules—that’s enough.
Business magnate Rockefeller once said: “Friendship based on business is far more reliable than business based on friendship.”
