"The Night I Went All-In on ONT and Lost Two Years of My Youth"

Owed 100,000 yuan, paid it off in two years.
Just this 100,000 yuan turned me from someone daring enough to cash out and buy coins into a "lifelong coward."
Looking back, I realize that those with a safety net are infinitely bolder. And I’ve always been the one without a safety net—no emotional support, no financial backup.
So I dare not make a wrong move, because no one will cover for me. I dare not lose a penny, because all losses are my own escape routes.
I’ve done advertising design, worked as a model, and been a front desk at a gym, living day by day depending on my boss’s mood. I’ve thought about opening a store but lacked capital. I’ve tried direct sales, didn’t make money, but gained a lot of experience—people say no road is wasted if you learn something.
Later, I entered the crypto world, caught the bull market, and made some gains with ONT, EOS, ETH. I became greedy for the first time, cashed out on credit cards and jumped in. And then, there was no turning back.
“One act of bravery, a lifetime of cowardice.”
The 100,000 yuan was paid off in two years. Now I have a car and a house, and savings too. But that sense of emptiness inside, as if carved into my bones, can’t be filled even by luxury goods because I don’t really want those things.
I only know I need a lot of money, but I don’t have anything specific I want to buy. My main job is making money, but I always feel I need a B plan.
The good thing is, I’m really too sensitive to risk. I may not seize every opportunity, but I can definitely escape risks early. Maybe that’s the only “gift” of someone without a safety net.