I don't know when it started, but I feel like I've changed.

I've become sensitive, prone to crying.
From optimism to sadness.
Endless tears in the dead of night.
Countless sleepless nights.
Sadness I can't put into words.
So many things weighing me down that I can't breathe.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
I just feel so wronged.
I just can't manage my negative emotions.
I'm just so sad, tears flowing uncontrollably.
I don't know how to express it.
I thought I could not care at all.
I know I can't lie to myself.
I keep trying to comfort myself.
Saying it's okay, I can get through this.
But whenever it gets late at night,
Those memories come rushing in like knife cuts.
I don't have the energy anymore to describe my unhappiness.
I really miss my safe harbor.
But when I turn around, I realize I don't seem to have one anymore.
I don't even understand myself.
I always go to bed very late.
Scrolling through videos alone.
Reading captions that resonate deeply, then overthinking.
During countless sleepless nights,
I wonder what kind of person I really am.
Not attractive, voice isn't pleasant.
When I get angry, I just hold it in without saying anything, zone out.
Then I overthink.
I can't distinguish anymore.
Whether it's the optimistic me during the day,
Or the helpless, self-consuming me in the deep of night.
It's not that I'm unhappy all the time.
When I'm with friends, I laugh genuinely and happily.
But none of that is what truly makes me feel happy.
It's like a reflex, a laugh at the slightest trigger.
But it ends once the laugh is over.
Most of the time it's actually unpleasant.
I often wonder,
Who would ever understand a person like me……